Many relationships deserve a second, third or even a fourth chance. Then comes that point when you run out of chances to give. Despite all your efforts, nothing has changed and seems like nothing is going to change. Suddenly, what should feel like home feels like exile. Your relationship just doesn’t serve you any more.
But sometimes things aren’t that clear.
Here are 4 signs that tell you it’s definitely time you give up on your relationship.
1. The Calm and the Storm Together
Anger, frustration and resentment are fiery emotions. Making decisions when these emotions are in your driver’s seat is akin to drunk driving. But also, on the contrary, making decisions when you’re so cold that you can’t feel anything, is akin to trying to start a car with no fuel.
The best emotional place to make the decision to break up is when you are calm and in your heart.
When your thoughts are clear and your emotions are alive but not overwhelming. You are in the eye of the storm, seeing into your own soul. Your mind and your heart are in it together. You are in your decision making process with all your parts.
2. Future Looks Friendlier
When you think about the future being without your partner, does it feel “right?” Does the idea of being on your own for some time, maybe even a long time, and then doing the relationship thing all over again with someone new, fill you with positive expectation?
It might not be that easy to imagine all that now but how does it feel in your gut? Pay attention to that feeling.
Similarly, when you think about staying together with your partner, how does it feel? Can your relationship go deeper than what it is now or have you really definitely hit a dead-end with no U-turn? If you imagine it getting worse and worse and even more worse, it may be time to take the nearest exit and continue the journey alone.
3. Rebound Isn’t Your Plan B
If going from one relationship to the next is your pattern, you might have a fear of feeling the pain of separation and being on your own. Breaking up with your current partner when you don’t have a Plan B, i.e. a new person waiting in line, is healthy. Breaking up with your partner only when you’ve made arrangements for a new relationship is not.
Remember, your breaking up with your current partner isnot you giving up on love.
It’s just a temporary retreat, sort of a spiritual R&R where you’ll rejuvenate and be emotionally healthier for your next relationship. Luckily, we get many chances for love, and all those relationships that don’t work out are there to take us to the one that will.
4. Your Karma Is Clear to You
Whenever you turned a crisis into an opportunity for growth, you learned something. So look back and figure out what you’ve learned from those moments. Do this before you break up. Make a “karma list”
– how have you become a better, bigger person? And what are some things you didn’t have a chance to work on? Things you know may come up in your next relationship.
You may want to give your current partner one last chance by bringing up the difficult issues you just couldn’t work on together – if they still refuse to go to those places, then you know it’s time to move on for sure. You’ve done all you could.
Breaking up doesn’t mean giving up on relationships altogether. There’s always a cycle at work: the mourning period, followed by stillness, followed by feeling available, then actively being ready and out there. Honor each segment of the cycle, and you’ll not only grow along the way but also come out with more soulful energy after each phase.