Tarot Card: The Devil, Major Arcana XV

If the deeper, spiritual meaning of our struggles with love could be summarized with one Tarot card only, that card would undoubtedly be The Devil.

Woman or man, forever single or a serial monogamist, involuntarily asexual or staunchly polyamorous – the Devil tells the collective secret behind all our love stories.

Our Pact with the Devil

As children, we all received cultural messages about our sex and gender. Good women do this; real men don’t do that. If you want men to like you, behave this way. If you want to find a good woman, here’s your path. We received these messages through our parents. Directly or subliminally. Through our teachers. The media. These messages were just everywhere. Some of them we internalized; others we disowned.

Early on in our personal development we were subconsciously forced to decide: were we going to be a mother’s daughter or a father’s daughter? A mother’s son or a father’s son? We would have to fight to be our whole selves but we couldn’t. We were too small and the world was too big. So we picked sides, and this created our "pact with the Devil."

What’s in YOUR pact?

Whatever we did NOT choose as children – "I'm not going to be submissive like my mom!" Or "I won’t be aggressive like my father" – now lives in the attic of our psychology , showing up unexpectedly in other parts of our soul house when we least expect them.

For example, most mother’s daughters chose being nurturing, sensitive-to-others’- needs, kind, pure, and obedient over being self-aware, instinctive, rather wild and keenly aware of bodily hungers. They have a smile on their face even when they don’t mean it. Their "bad" sexual, witchy, assertive side is in the attic, probably along with anger and resentment over this repression.

Father’s daughters, on the other hand, severed their connection to their soft, nurturing, motherly sides. These gentle qualities are in their attics, waiting to be acknowledged, while these women are too busy overworking to prove themselves in the outside world. When they go to their attics, they might come across grief – grief about not loving others and the world like they wholeheartedly could.

The Devil in Your Relationships

Not knowingly, we choose partners who’ll make sure to bring out our Devil from the attic. Because we instinctively want to heal. We want to be whole again. We want to include ALL our parts in our existence. So, subconsciously, we pick those partners who’ll push our buttons, drive us crazy, and bring out all these surprise reactions from us.

To have a conscious relationship, both partners must be willing to visit their own – and each other’s – attics. "It's difficult for me to cry in front of you," may say the macho male, and the female’s task would be to give him the space to cry. "I feel shame around my sexuality," may confess a shy female, and the male’s task would be to give her the time and space to explore new sensations. Not force her, but honor where she is.

If you look closely at Tarot’s Devil, you’ll notice that the chains around the partners’ necks are loose. Meaning, our past choices don’t have to chain us today – regardless of the type of trauma, all attics are cleanable. The only Devil that remains, if there’s one, is not having open, honest communication between partners.

When the Devil Takes Over Your Relationship

In some relationships, what comes out of the attic may just be too much for one or both partners to deal with. We all have our wounds, life stories and specific pacts with the Devil, but in such intense cases, it may be better to end the relationship. Visiting our attic is a noble, soul-nourishing event, regardless of the difficult stuff we may have to deal with at first.

No relationship is worth sacrificing our true selves for. With or without a partner, we must visit our own attic and empty our old boxes. We must own all our previously disowned parts. We are all both gentle and strong. Assertive and caring. Sexual and sweet. Powerful and vulnerable. We are everything.

Zodiacal Association

Capricorn. The ever hard-working, committed, resourceful Capricorn. It is an earth sign – meaning, it’s not about ideals. Rather, it’s about being here and now, applying what they know to be good and right, changing their world one step at a time. Tirelessly. With faith. Methodically. Intentionally.

Send a Capricorn to any attic and they’ll know how to go through the mess and clean the whole place. So it’s through embodying Capricorn energy you can face your Devil.

Even if you are not a Capricorn – what matters is understanding what kind of energy you need to generate in you. Grounded. Steadfast. Detail-oriented. Willing to walk the walk. Every step of the way.